Top 10 Reasons to Tan Indoors this Summer
10. It’s always Sunny and COOL in here

9. No SAND in your Private Parts

8. Tan Lines OPTIONAL!

7. No Traffic. No Tolls. No crowds. No Bags.

6. Unlike Sex, Getting Results Quicker is BETTER!

5. Seagulls Will Not Poop on Your Head in Here.

4. Alaskan Sun’s Friendly, Professional Staff Will Help You Get the BEST Tan Possible.

3. Our Sun is Strong ALL DAY (+ Night)

2. No One Will Know You Forgot to Shave/Wax

1. No Burly, Hairy Men in ‘Banana Hammocks’ Trying to Pick You Up.

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Thanks to a loyal reader for forwarding this gem via cell phone pic from the Alaskan Tan on 3rd ave.

We’re not quite sure what’s more amusing here…

The fact that Alaskan Tan’s ‘professional staff’ didn’t rank at least in the top 2.

Or that fact that someone actually sat there and said: if ‘no burly, hairy men, in banana hammocks‘ doesn’t sell it – nothing will.’

For us, it’s the fact that the same hairy apes in ‘banana hammocks’ Alaskan invites you to avoid, are the same animals these dingbats are going to the tanning beds to pick up in the first place!

Interestingly enough – ’skin cancer’ didn’t place.